User talk:Commander Okami
At the age of three, I was born in florida. Due to the fact that my mother could be any of the world famous Tuxedo identical septuplets, I was put into an orphanage. Even at that early age, I was formulating my plans for world domination, although that was usually done in crayon. The prospect for world domination came through to me when I was playing with tinker toys and one peice would not fit with any of the others. I then began to plan my escape.
Utilizing my limited resources to the fullest, I found that I could escape through a low window at the end of the hall with the help of a little ingenity . . .or play doh. Having plenty of play doh, I carefully climbed out of the window and pulled my tricycle through. Having long since decided to start my plan in New York City, I started out at oonce for Buffalo; I couldn't read or write.
Six years later, I arrived in the slums of New York City. I started bussing tables in a cheap tavern called the Shepard's pie cafe. Having been as young as nine, I was heiniously underpaid($2/hr) thats when it all changed. Luck prospered and a member of the secret service propositioned me because he "could use that recruitment bonus.". Having entered the secret service, I went to india to inspect elephants (the government was convinced they were weapons of mass destruction) and became a monk when the priest accidentally dumped 'the holy chamber pot' upon my head fulfilling a legend that said that the chosen one shall have a holy chamber pot dumped upon his head.
More later.
Now is the latering time! -Engrish, yes. Live with it.
So anyway, I returned to the states at age 11.31426770001 and decided to run for political office. Fortunately, I found a vendor that sold fake law degrees and ages, so, I was all set. I ran for governor of California and lost to Gray Davis by 1.6 votes.
I then decided to go to school to learn to read. After all, whatshisname, the blackdude that bought his freedom after learning to read, said. "Reading is power. Puuuuurrrrrre power. Mwehehehehehehehe!!!![sound of chainsaw starting]MY PRECIOUS! MY PRECIOUS READING! [sound of chainsaw decapitating a bum] hehehehehehehehe education will save all!!!!! HAHAAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!"
um, yeah.
So I set out for some quiet, backwater hick town to learn to read. There I met a crazy old lady who taught me how to read in exchange for 'watching' her pet lima bean, Horatio. Now that I could read, I felt certain that I would win political office, but never ran because I was sent out to go kill King Arthur in great britain, or something like that. I don't know, I wasnt' paying attention. Anyway, I went to Vegas and became a gambler. I lost all of the government's money and caused a depression. (I feel all warm and fuzzy thinking about it). Take that suckas!
Then the volcano erupted, and the stock market creashed and food prices escalated and. . . oh yea that didn't happen. Right.
Anyway, I lost my job as a Secret Agent, but they never took away my license to kill. I hope their successors will be smarter. For some reason, I was never removed from my Monk status, so I went to the supersecretshrinethatmonkshabituallyvisit in Central Park. beleive those stories of people going in at night and not coming out alive. Their all true, and the supersecretshrinethatmonkshabituallyvisit is responsible, as the godfather became the head monk. Nobody ever understands him, but he knows how to buy(steal, buy, whatever) potato chips. He likes pringles. He tosses a mean salad, too. And he KNOWS how to bless that holy water. Whataguy. Then I was propositioned by him 'cause he liked my "lack of style". So now I'm in the mafia. woohoo. With a license to kill. Yay. And a license to raise the dead. Yay yay woo hoo.(yes, you need a license to do that) Legal document suck. So I kill them.
I would like to end this with a quote from Confucious: " Stupid man give his wife is high on pot because toilet standing is illegal in seven states. Woof."
No, wait! I'm not done yet, just for today.
Live with it.
Now that I'm back I can tell you more of my honest to goodness made up life. Anyway, I then decided that I really could use some advice on world domination, so I decided to raise Arnold Schwarzenegger from the dead, until I realized that he wasn't dead. I had to go back to the Google search for "World Domination".I then Discovered a little known dictator by the name of Mark Twain. He brought me candy. I told him that I wasn't his type. He broke into tears. Back to Google. I'll be back later. Maybe.
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